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Exclusively Pumping Baby & Mommy Issues
Gotta let it out somewhere...
Forgive me while I have a little rant, I don't have anyone to talk to this about. Nobody gets it, particularily my husband, who can only manage to tell me to "let it go."
How long will I be in mourning over the loss of breastfeeding? I feel so cheated and disappointed in myself. I should have NEVER let the lactation consultant give her a bottle. I should have taken her home and looked up other methods of supplementing her. I should have taken responsibility, taken charge, NOT trusted them. This is why I had a midwife! I never trusted medical people, and this is why. They didn't even let me see her for 2 hours after she was born, and I was so exhausted and out of it I couldn't even bring myself to argue. It was all I could do to yell at my husband to make sure she knew he was there. Almost every single thing that I didn't want to happen with my birth experience happened, except that I didn't have a c-section, thank god. I know I just have to get over it and "let it go," and be happy that I have a now-healthy baby, but sometimes it is overwhelming and I can't help but sob. Everytime I see something about how much better breastfeeding is for your baby I re-live that guilt, anger, frustration, disappointment.
I am very impatiently waiting on my Dom to arrive. I have been taking the herbs and they have not helped. I'm getting like 4 oz every 24 hours. It's absolutely heartbreaking. My daughter eats mostly formula. I tried to do Eats on Feets but I can't get a response from any donors. I've been pumping to the point where I don't even want to leave the house because I have such anxiety about getting back to pump. And it's barely a bottle once a day. I have to go back to work on Monday because we are totally broke and my husband has such a full school schedule that he can't work til after he graduates in the spring. I don't want to leave her. She is only 5 weeks. But it's that or starve and have no money for Christmas. Or borrow more money from our moms, who have already done so much for us. We can't even get food stamps because we're both students. I guess if you're a student you don't need to eat! If it wasn't for my beautiful little girl and how much I love her I am certain I would lose it.
Thanks for listening.
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Gotta let it out somewhere...
Forgive me while I have a little rant, I don't have anyone to talk to this about. Nobody gets it, particularily my husband, who can only manage to tell me to "let it go."
How long will I be in mourning over the loss of breastfeeding? I feel so cheated and disappointed in myself. I should have NEVER let the lactation consultant give her a bottle. I should have taken her home and looked up other methods of supplementing her. I should have taken responsibility, taken charge, NOT trusted them. This is why I had a midwife! I never trusted medical people, and this is why. They didn't even let me see her for 2 hours after she was born, and I was so exhausted and out of it I couldn't even bring myself to argue. It was all I could do to yell at my husband to make sure she knew he was there. Almost every single thing that I didn't want to happen with my birth experience happened, except that I didn't have a c-section, thank god. I know I just have to get over it and "let it go," and be happy that I have a now-healthy baby, but sometimes it is overwhelming and I can't help but sob. Everytime I see something about how much better breastfeeding is for your baby I re-live that guilt, anger, frustration, disappointment.
I am very impatiently waiting on my Dom to arrive. I have been taking the herbs and they have not helped. I'm getting like 4 oz every 24 hours. It's absolutely heartbreaking. My daughter eats mostly formula. I tried to do Eats on Feets but I can't get a response from any donors. I've been pumping to the point where I don't even want to leave the house because I have such anxiety about getting back to pump. And it's barely a bottle once a day. I have to go back to work on Monday because we are totally broke and my husband has such a full school schedule that he can't work til after he graduates in the spring. I don't want to leave her. She is only 5 weeks. But it's that or starve and have no money for Christmas. Or borrow more money from our moms, who have already done so much for us. We can't even get food stamps because we're both students. I guess if you're a student you don't need to eat! If it wasn't for my beautiful little girl and how much I love her I am certain I would lose it.
Thanks for listening.
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I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time right now. My birth experience wasn't what I hoped for, either, and i didn't see my daughter for over 2 hours after she was born (I had an emergency c-section after almost 20 hours labor). At 5 wks pp, I was so angry and bitter at the nurse who fed my baby a bottle before I even got the chance to see her--let alone to try and nurse. At almost 5 months pp, my perspective has changed. I'm happy to have a healthy baby, and while ep isn't what I would have chosen, I'm ok with it. My best advice is to keep talking about it. When DH and I finally had a coversation about a month ago regarding how sad I am that I'll never get those few hours back right after she was born, he looked at me and said "I had no idea you felt like that. I'm sorry". We had a good talk, and I felt like weight had been removed from my shoulders, and i finally let it go. I actually veiw my experience as a blessing now, because DH had to do so much with DD, he has a really great bond with her now.
As far as supply issues, I may not be much help, but make sure your shields are the right size. When I finally got the right size sheild, pumping was so much more comfertable that I was able to pump more oz. When you do go out, take your pump with you. bring a blanket, or nursing cover and pump in the backseat of the car. I'm down to 4 pumps a day now, but in the beginning, if I went anywhere, I just pumped in the car. It was the nicest when someone else was along, and they were driving, then I'd pump while they drove which was great. Otherwise I'd pump before or after I was done with my errand. Also, what kind of pump are you using? A double electric or hospital grade is important to have.
And last, but not least, breast milk is not the be all end all. My mom really wanted to nurse(back in the 80's when it was "weird"), but wasn't able to because of several surgeries she'd had to remove cysyts from both breasts. My brother and I are both fine. My mom has said that deciding to give formula was rough the first few weeks, but then she realized the most important thing---FEED YOUR BABY. If your baby is fed, and cuddled, and loved then they will be fine. And your baby is clearly loved.
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Hi,
Your message has just been posted to the admins of eats on feets. They're on the move and WILL find you donors. Please allow yourself a chance to mourn, your feelings are your own, and you don't have to just "let it go" right now. First you have to grieve. Then you pick yourself up and move forward!!! Your daughterwill get the breast milk she needs.
Cheers,
CM
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Your profile only tells what city you are in. Did you post a need for milk on your local EOF chapter, or did you just respond to those who posted offers? If you post your own need, the admin of that page can see it and can post a page wide shout out for you. Or you can email me through my profile with your details (specifically what State) and I can pass it on to the admins.
Cheers,
CM
