[probieswife]

Every lady on here sounds so positive, so I hate to ruin this beautiful blog with what I am about to post.  I am not in the mood to sugar coat anything, and I haven't been since my husband decided to become a firefighter.  So ladies, here it goes. I have been trying to get used to the fire service for over 4 years and I absolutely hate it most of the time.  The hours are terrible for me, but great for him.  Who wouldn't want to have a weekend every other day?  What does he do on his days off?  Nothing, while I am working full time.  I work all day and come home to take care of the kids and the house.  Don't get me wrong, he does help out with homework, dinner, practices, etc.  But why is it that I am getting the short end of the deal?  I can't quit my job because I make more than him and we wouldn't be able to make it on just his salary.  Small town fire pay sucks.  I have already talked to him about ways that he can help more and he does.  We have talked about him getting a job on his days off, but that hasn't happened yet!  He is a good person, but I just really hate this job.  The guys on the department are awesome too.  But in the back of my mind I am constantly comparing my work to life balance and his.  What does he do while he is at the station?  Works out, watches movies, and  takes naps in the lazy boy.  Wouldn't that be terrific to just have an hour or two of free time two or three days a week.  Well, if  I go out and do something fun for me in the evening or on the weekend, then I won't see him for two days straight.  Then I end up feeling guilty about not being with our family during times we can all be together.  What do we do together on the weekends while I have off?  Nothing, because he works either Saturday or Sunday.  He can't and won't stay up to do anything fun because he is on shift the next day.  Everything revolves around this job.  I am left to plan around it and deal with it.  I HATE it. 

[probieswife]

Every lady on here sounds so positive, so I hate to ruin this beautiful blog with what I am about to post.  I am not in the mood to sugar coat anything, and I haven't been since my husband decided to become a firefighter.  So ladies, here it goes. I have been trying to get used to the fire service for over 4 years and I absolutely hate it most of the time.  The hours are terrible for me, but great for him.  Who wouldn't want to have a weekend every other day?  What does he do on his days off?  Nothing, while I am working full time.  I work all day and come home to take care of the kids and the house.  Don't get me wrong, he does help out with homework, dinner, practices, etc.  But why is it that I am getting the short end of the deal?  I can't quit my job because I make more than him and we wouldn't be able to make it on just his salary.  Small town fire pay sucks.  I have already talked to him about ways that he can help more and he does.  We have talked about him getting a job on his days off, but that hasn't happened yet!  He is a good person, but I just really hate this job.  The guys on the department are awesome too.  But in the back of my mind I am constantly comparing my work to life balance and his.  What does he do while he is at the station?  Works out, watches movies, and  takes naps in the lazy boy.  Wouldn't that be terrific to just have an hour or two of free time two or three days a week.  Well, if  I go out and do something fun for me in the evening or on the weekend, then I won't see him for two days straight.  Then I end up feeling guilty about not being with our family during times we can all be together.  What do we do together on the weekends while I have off?  Nothing, because he works either Saturday or Sunday.  He can't and won't stay up to do anything fun because he is on shift the next day.  Everything revolves around this job.  I am left to plan around it and deal with it.  I HATE it. 

[cmjenas]

I'm sorry. That does sound really frustrating. How long have you been married?

What sort of things do you wish he would do on his days off? I've found that the best way to get my DH to do things is to just make him a list that he can check things off as he goes. I really didn't want to have to do that because it seemed too much like making chore boards for the kids, but it's really helped for him to see what needs to be done in list form.

What time does your DH have to get up in order to start his shift?

[probieswife]

Thank you for writing back and listening to all of my complaining!  We have been married for 11 years.  I am not really sure what else he could do around the house.  He actually does quite a bit sometimes and other times he does very little.  I leave grocery lists and lists of things that need to get done during the week and things like that. He does them when asked.  I'm tired of being the one that has to live around his work and I'm tired of doing everything around his shifts.  I'm just tired of always having to pick up the pieces.  Our kids still cry and say they miss Daddy when he goes to work.  This happened just today actually.  Guess what I did Saturday night when my husband and I had a baby sitter?  We went grocery shopping at Meijer and I was in bed by 10:00.  I suggested many things that we could go do, but he didn't want to do anything and never does. Doesn't that sound like a blast?  I would have never married someone with this career, and in fact I didn't sign up for this.  Now I'm stuck with it.

[kaleighsmomma06]

probieswife,
I may be stepping on wrong territory here, as I am an ExW of a fireman, but I can TOTALLY understand and relate to what you are saying.
I was with my Ex for 10 years and married 8 1/2 years, for which all 10 he was a fireman and still is. I hated his jobs with a passion and he would down right tell me his job is more important than me. He also held another part-time job that consisted of 24's on his off days as well as a 12 hr day shift on the other off days. There are some days he would be gone for 3-5 days at a time. After having our DD 5 years into our marriage and feeling like a single mom afterwards, I had eventually had enough.
While I understand 100% how you feel, and how jealous you may be of his time off, try to keep the positive ahead of the negative. I know easier said than done.
But after being D for over 2 years now, I STILL live my life on his rotating work shift. I tried being civil and working with him giving him almost everyday he asked for, even if it wasn't his day (only because the way his schedule would fall) only to have him deny me if I wanted DD on one of his off days.
The only advice I can truly give is to sit down with your DH and tell him you need more one on one time with him. That even though he may work the next day, there is absolutely no reason he can't take you to dinner and to a 7pm movie. Weekends are so laid back at most stations and he can rest then. He needs to understand your importance and that you need to feel that way to him. Lack of importance to my Ex is what pushed me away.
I truly wish you the best of luck and I'll listen to you vent anytime. BTDT!!! (((HUGS)))

[probieswife]

Thank you for your response and advice.  It is much appreciated.  I feel selfish and guilty for complaining about a schedule I can't help.  He works 24 hours on and has 48 hours off.  He doesn't have any other jobs where he is away.  If that were the case, I would definitely not be able to deal with that.  If you feel single, might as well be then.  Sometimes I feel more loney married than I ever did single. I'd never ask him to choose his job or me because he loves his job.  Jobs are hard to come by these days. I have tried talking to him about it.   Guess I'll just keep trying.  He stated that if he had to pick the job or me, he'd pick the job.  NICE!