[Sybil16]

Like my mother tells me, I know I just need to come out and ask him to help me more, but I know it will start an argument so I haven't done it.

My SO does not help me around the house at all.  He leaves his coats and shoes out.  If I put something of his on the stairs to be brought up, he'll walk right past it for days without picking it up.  He hasn't done the dishes in over a year.  He hasn't done laundry in almost as long.

Now, obviously, he doesn't do these things because he knows that I will.  But seriously, WHY does he take advantage of me?  Just because I let him?  Why can't he pick up after himself because he knows it's not my job?  Because he respects me and how hard I work?

Why do men do this? 

[Sybil16]

Like my mother tells me, I know I just need to come out and ask him to help me more, but I know it will start an argument so I haven't done it.

My SO does not help me around the house at all.  He leaves his coats and shoes out.  If I put something of his on the stairs to be brought up, he'll walk right past it for days without picking it up.  He hasn't done the dishes in over a year.  He hasn't done laundry in almost as long.

Now, obviously, he doesn't do these things because he knows that I will.  But seriously, WHY does he take advantage of me?  Just because I let him?  Why can't he pick up after himself because he knows it's not my job?  Because he respects me and how hard I work?

Why do men do this? 

[angel_grl]

I know exactly how you feel since my bf does the exact same things...like leaving his coats and shoes where they don't belong. I think men do this because they like the feeling of having someone take care of them, but there are still some men who I think feel like it's our responsibility to clean. I have spoken up to my boyfriend and asked him to pull his weight because it's not fair to have one person taking care of an entire household. Since I spoke up he has been more attentive to what needs to be done, he's not perfect by any means and I accept that, but he no longer takes advantage. It wasn't pleasant bringing it up, but you get sick of feeling like the maid.

[true.blue.strine]

Sybil, I think it's simply because it's not important to him.   I don't think he's doing it because you will and I don't think he's making a choice to take advantage of you.   He doesn't do it because he doesn't think of it.

Look, I'm a cleaner - I'll do the dishes and the toilet and wash clothes etc.    But I'm a bit messy:  hubby complains that I leave my shoes around and yes, I'll walk right past things on the stairs and not carry them up.    Thing is, I clean because I notice that it needs doing.    But I'm messy because I just don't notice it.

Hubby does remind me now and then.   And I do try to remember to pick up after myself - but I honestly don't notice the stuff there most of the time.      But other than terrible stains - hubby never notices that the toilet needs cleaning.   Or that the bed sheets need changing.   Or that the sink needs a good scrub.

Thankfully, I'm happy to clean and hubby is happy to tidy up.    We each do the stuff which the other doesn't notice.

With regards to your partner, what happens if you ask him for help?    "hey, can you come help me with the dishes now?"   Or "can you help me with the Saturday morning clean up?"  (and then remind him on Saturday)      You say that he'd start an arguement....what would be his argument if you phrased it this way?

Lastly, why are you with someone who doesn't pull their weight and will argue with you if you discuss it?     Don't you deserve to be with someone who cares about how you feel?

[Sybil16]

How did you bring it up, angel?  What did you say?  I'd love to hear because every time I do, SO gets defensive.  I guess I'm not doing a good job of asking for help lol.

[Sybil16]

He doesn't think of it even when I put it in the middle of the stairs and he has to step over it?  I guess it's possible but I find that very hard to believe.  Especially since I've mentioned it to him previously.

Thing is, I clean because I notice that it needs doing.  

I'm the same way, and SO isn't a slob by any means. When I ask him for help, even just very casually, he gets crazy defensive.  He's first say "but I worked all day!" or "are you saying I'm a bad person!?" or whatever.  To the point where I have just stopped and stared like....what?!  Really?!

Or "can you help me with the Saturday morning clean up?"  (and then remind him on Saturday) 

I do do this, and he does end up helping.  But it gets REALLY old being the nag/mom, KWIM?  I am not a nag, and I am not his mother.  Why can't he just take initiative?  The toilet is dirty (thanks to him lol), so clean it!  Ugh!

I think he does care how I feel, but he is just so darn defensive and thinks that I'm calling him a bad person...when all I want is a little help with the dishes and laundry.  *sigh*