[titchy123]

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, had a bad week last week with a close family members illness and it's got me thinking.

My H was wonderfully supportive, let me talk about things if I wanted but knew when I needed time alone. My AP, however, while he did keep a low profile as he knew what I was going through never once asked if I was ok. He is a self centred b@*stard at times and now things are back on track it's somehow like he makes me pay for me not being around 'for him'. Thanks to a post from simplysoft40 recently suggesting he could be a narcissist. Spot on, in every sense of the word.

So, I started thinking how my H and AP are poles apart in emotions, feelings, personalities in general. Do we tend to go for very different characters? Maybe that's the draw and part of the addiction?

[titchy123]

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, had a bad week last week with a close family members illness and it's got me thinking.

My H was wonderfully supportive, let me talk about things if I wanted but knew when I needed time alone. My AP, however, while he did keep a low profile as he knew what I was going through never once asked if I was ok. He is a self centred b@*stard at times and now things are back on track it's somehow like he makes me pay for me not being around 'for him'. Thanks to a post from simplysoft40 recently suggesting he could be a narcissist. Spot on, in every sense of the word.

So, I started thinking how my H and AP are poles apart in emotions, feelings, personalities in general. Do we tend to go for very different characters? Maybe that's the draw and part of the addiction?

[livefortoday74]

I am mainly a lurker here, but thought I would chime in.  I'm a MW in an A for over a year with a MM.  I would say my AP is the polar opposite of my H, like night and day.  And my AP would say close to the same about me.  My AP is a business man, my husband a trades person, MM is very positive,supportive and caring and just knows what to say and when to say it.  H is well, not so much, and though in general is supportive (I guess), can be negative, and moody (ornery is word best used to describe him) .  So there you have it.

[revolutionarybreeze]

I have been thinking about this myself recently. I think in a few ways AP reminds me of H 20 years ago. (Although AP is considerably older than H) They are/were both fun-loving and liked to go for long motrcylce rides (I'm really not a biker kinda person..it just sort-of is something they both enjoy/enjoyed). That said. Once we got married and had our second son..H forgot how to have fun. How to enjoy life...enjoy living. Over the years he has become a very bitter and only occasionally happy man.

Every thing else is so different! From physical appearance. H small-framed wiry Italian, AP huge..American Indian/caucasian.  H is a skilled tradesman. AP artist. H is very consciencious of outward appearances and what is or is not socially acceptable. AP not-so-much.H is uber responsible. AP...not remotely reliable. H considers himself a family man..(and until recently has been with children and great-aunts, uncles, etc.) AP doesn NOT consider himself much of a family man. Will be the first to say he needs a lot of work in that department. Yet..ironically. AP has very close relationship with his grown daughters, grandchildren. H..very strained relationship with grown children.

They both have problems relating to their wives?

[revolutionarybreeze]

I guess I should clarify. When I say H is responsible..I mean at work and with extended family members and friends, but not on an emotional level to those closest to him. AP on the other hand..shirks all responsiblilty but is ALWAYS there for emotional support.

[BlueRoses88]

Hmmm....let's see

Similarities...they sort of have a similar look. Some people wouldn't see it right away but they both have certain features which make them my type. As far as personality...the similarities are that they can both be pretty closed off emotionally. Otherwise I think they are quite different. AP is more about success and flash. H is a man who values his home and he's very fatherly in a way. AP is type "A" while H is  more passive.