Pregnant & Single: Intros & Chat
Pregnant and Abandoned..I could really use some helpful wisdom!
After trying for over a year to get pregnant and after a miscarriage, three weeks ago my fiance and I found out we are expecting! Im so blessed and excited to have this opportunity, due to health conditions Ive had from childhood my chances for conceiving were always extremely low, and I had all but given up on having a child of my own when I woke up when morning and felt that awful pain in my breast- only a pregnant woman can understand how something so painful can bring a smile to your face 
The problem is that after finding out that we had conceived, my fiance of two years who had planned all of this with me just up and decided he didnt want to be with me anymore. Im not naive and I grew up around some pretty terrible relationships so I know that a lot of times people in love cant see whats truly in front of them, but Brett and I truly never had any real issues. He was my best friend and we enjoyed every minute together. He fits right in with my entire family and everyone loves him as if hes always been there. And despite the fact that we were seeing a fertility specialist and hoping and praying for this miracle...now he doesnt want it? I keep trying to just let it go because I know that stress is not okay for the baby or myself, especially with my health, but Im just so confused as to how to feel right now. I love him so very much and I would do anything for all of this to disappear and for us to have that perfect family that we planned and hoped for, but at the same time I was raised to stand up for myself and not let anyone treat me badly. My parents had an extremely dysfunctional relationship and the way my father treated my mother-I promised myself noone would ever make me feel that way. And ever since we found out the baby is on its way, everything out of my fiances mouth is demeaning and hurtful. And as much as I love him and know that he is just scared, I dont think that he has any right to talk down to me or to hurt me. I know I may sound like some hopeless young romantic but Im really not. I know the real world is tough. This engagment is actually my second-my first was to my highschool sweetheart who I lost to cancer several years ago. I know heartache and I know how I must sound weeping over my fiance leaving when I should be so overjoyed with the fact that Im having a baby! Something I never expected I would be able to do! So I guess I just need some helpful advice. Am I being unreasonable by just letting him go? Because I know that what hes doing right now he just him running because hes scared-hes done this in the past. Just never in such serious circumstances. And I know at some point he will come back around. I just cant help but feel resentful that the first several weeks of this pregnancy-which has not been easy-Ive gone through alone and that hes made no effort to attend any of my countless doctors appointments. I dont want to just give up on him and walk away because I do know that before all of this we were so happy, but at the same time I dont know if I could ever respect myself if I continue to try to work this out when hes playing back and forth games and walking out on me as he pleases. More than anything I want whats best for the baby. And as much as I would love to do this as a family, hes just not making that possible right now. So do I walk away and try to piece myself back together. Or do I wait it out and hope and pray he comes back around? Thank you so much to anyone who took the time to read this and to respond. I really am just at a loss on how I should feel right now and any wisdom is sooo appreciated. May you all have a blessed day and a wonderful week!
Pregnant and Abandoned..I could really use some helpful wisdom!
After trying for over a year to get pregnant and after a miscarriage, three weeks ago my fiance and I found out we are expecting! Im so blessed and excited to have this opportunity, due to health conditions Ive had from childhood my chances for conceiving were always extremely low, and I had all but given up on having a child of my own when I woke up when morning and felt that awful pain in my breast- only a pregnant woman can understand how something so painful can bring a smile to your face The problem is that after finding out that we had conceived, my fiance of two years who had planned all of this with me just up and decided he didnt want to be with me anymore. Im not naive and I grew up around some pretty terrible relationships so I know that a lot of times people in love cant see whats truly in front of them, but Brett and I truly never had any real issues. He was my best friend and we enjoyed every minute together. He fits right in with my entire family and everyone loves him as if hes always been there. And despite the fact that we were seeing a fertility specialist and hoping and praying for this miracle...now he doesnt want it? I keep trying to just let it go because I know that stress is not okay for the baby or myself, especially with my health, but Im just so confused as to how to feel right now. I love him so very much and I would do anything for all of this to disappear and for us to have that perfect family that we planned and hoped for, but at the same time I was raised to stand up for myself and not let anyone treat me badly. My parents had an extremely dysfunctional relationship and the way my father treated my mother-I promised myself noone would ever make me feel that way. And ever since we found out the baby is on its way, everything out of my fiances mouth is demeaning and hurtful. And as much as I love him and know that he is just scared, I dont think that he has any right to talk down to me or to hurt me. I know I may sound like some hopeless young romantic but Im really not. I know the real world is tough. This engagment is actually my second-my first was to my highschool sweetheart who I lost to cancer several years ago. I know heartache and I know how I must sound weeping over my fiance leaving when I should be so overjoyed with the fact that Im having a baby! Something I never expected I would be able to do! So I guess I just need some helpful advice. Am I being unreasonable by just letting him go? Because I know that what hes doing right now he just him running because hes scared-hes done this in the past. Just never in such serious circumstances. And I know at some point he will come back around. I just cant help but feel resentful that the first several weeks of this pregnancy-which has not been easy-Ive gone through alone and that hes made no effort to attend any of my countless doctors appointments. I dont want to just give up on him and walk away because I do know that before all of this we were so happy, but at the same time I dont know if I could ever respect myself if I continue to try to work this out when hes playing back and forth games and walking out on me as he pleases. More than anything I want whats best for the baby. And as much as I would love to do this as a family, hes just not making that possible right now. So do I walk away and try to piece myself back together. Or do I wait it out and hope and pray he comes back around? Thank you so much to anyone who took the time to read this and to respond. I really am just at a loss on how I should feel right now and any wisdom is sooo appreciated. May you all have a blessed day and a wonderful week!
Welcome to the board and congratulations on your precious little miracle that is on the way!
I can certainly understand why you are hurt and confused. I totally agree that he has no right to treat you this way. Regardless of how scared he is, he should be there for you right now (especially if this is something he wanted too!). Are you able to have any kind of effective communication with him right now? If so, do you think he'd be open to talking to a family counselor about what's going on?
Thank you all so much for your thoughts! Im sorry it took me so long to get on here and respond. The last couple of weeks have actually been pretty rough. I found out after my first ultrasound that the baby is not growing the way it should be and its heart beat is very weak. They did some test and found out that because of scar tissue from my cancer and PCOS my body is not producing any progesterone to support the baby. Right away my doctor put me on a progesterone supplement that I take 3 times daily and a progesterone shot that I get twice a week. These have made me SO sick! I havent been able to hold anything on my stomach for two weeks, and unfortunately Ive dealt with it all alone 
My fiance never came around. He went to one appointment with me, the first heartbeat appointment, and I really got my hopes up that he was going to stick around but the spent the entire appointment playing on his phone and wanted nothing to do with us again after. Honestly, I somewhat think the only reason he asked to go to the appointment was in hopes that it wasnt real So Ive been trying to get through the hormone changes alone. And then last week I went in for my checkup (which I have 3 of a week) and my blood pressure was 162/108 and my heart rate was 146. They added to more medications to my already insane list of medications but so far we have not had any luck getting my vitals back to normal. And as of last Friday Im being monitored daily for functions of my other organs because I myself am now at a very high risk. We knew when we decided to conceive that because of my health it was risky for me to try, but being a mother is something Ive wanted my entire life and I just didnt want to give that up without a fight. And now Im fighting for the life of my baby and myself. And my fiance doesnt seem to care in the least. I told him about the results last week and my parents both tried talking to him and explaining that right now we just need him to be supportive to help me through the next couple of weeks until I can move home, my parents live 5 hours away from where my fiance and I lived and I am in the process of renting out our house and transferring specialists, but so far all he can say is that it is all to much for him to handle and that if he knew how to change he would.... Ridiclous right? If I hear him say "I want to care about your feelings, but for some reason right now I just cant make myself" I may lose it. How can someone spend all of those years loving and supporting you and then tell you they cant even stand by you while youre fighting for your life and the life of your baby? Its not fair at all. Hes not interested in counceling at all...I suggested that many times in the beginning. He says that people forcing him to express his feelings will just push him further away. And the worse part is, weve known for 4 weeks now and other than family and my best friends, no one knows! Because he doesnt want me to tell everyone just yet because he says he cant handle the pressure of everyone asking him about it. But Im supposed to handle the pressure of everything else on my own? Ill never be able to explain to anyone why Ive given him so many opportunities over the past month to make this okay, I cant even explain it to myself, its just so hard to do it all alone. Especially when I know that this baby wasnt a mistake and that I never had any intention of going through it all alone. I guess for now I just have to keep my fingers crossed for the best and remember that the health of myself and my little angel are the most important things to focus on right now.
