[winter2007]

I have made some decision over weekend. While I know the best thing would have been to go through divorce, at this time, I seriously think I need to come back home for my D. I think staying away week at a time has been hard on everyone. She is fargile and has teenage issues. She is also (unfortunately) close to her dad so she is not going to choose me over him. Maybe I overreacted whenever he shouted and she had a showdown? OK - maybe I didnt overreact but what is going to change anyways? She still has to deal with him (alone) and will have to deal with him forever. As sweets35 had once said, it is the frequency of these events..If it is once a month as opposed to once every day/every few days. When does it make it worth it..or rather.when does the cons start to look worse than the pros. I dont know..maybe it is me. I found it difficult to stay away..on my own..and it is partly due to the fact that she was high strung. I know everyone will say.well she needed to be in therapy..and I should have had the gall to get out  and stay out and make a strong role model. But in reality, she still has to deal with him alone every week, it is difficult to switch houses as a teenager. Everything that happens in a teen life is a super emergency. My therapist says to stop wasting my money and go back and live it out for 2 more years. But I am scared I will not be able to cope again..when the next do this, do that now..comes. Gosh..someone please help me make a decision and find peace one way. thanks.

[winter2007]

I have made some decision over weekend. While I know the best thing would have been to go through divorce, at this time, I seriously think I need to come back home for my D. I think staying away week at a time has been hard on everyone. She is fargile and has teenage issues. She is also (unfortunately) close to her dad so she is not going to choose me over him. Maybe I overreacted whenever he shouted and she had a showdown? OK - maybe I didnt overreact but what is going to change anyways? She still has to deal with him (alone) and will have to deal with him forever. As sweets35 had once said, it is the frequency of these events..If it is once a month as opposed to once every day/every few days. When does it make it worth it..or rather.when does the cons start to look worse than the pros. I dont know..maybe it is me. I found it difficult to stay away..on my own..and it is partly due to the fact that she was high strung. I know everyone will say.well she needed to be in therapy..and I should have had the gall to get out  and stay out and make a strong role model. But in reality, she still has to deal with him alone every week, it is difficult to switch houses as a teenager. Everything that happens in a teen life is a super emergency. My therapist says to stop wasting my money and go back and live it out for 2 more years. But I am scared I will not be able to cope again..when the next do this, do that now..comes. Gosh..someone please help me make a decision and find peace one way. thanks.

[chipperchick]

"My therapist says to stop wasting my money and go back and live it out for 2 more years" -- Really? That is a very strange thing for a therapist to say IMO. I wish you the best of luck, but you have to make those decisions for yourself and do what you think is best for you.

[winter2007]

well..she wants me to make a decision and stick with it. But not sure if she could have done anything more..it is a barrier like you say, I have to cross myself. She tried those EFT techniques with me..but I think the bottom line is, at this time, I feel I dont have what it takes to go through with it.  I have lost the strength. It is, in my case, easier to stay in than to get out.  I waited too long. And maybe compared to what others post here, and I hate to say the cliche part..but it is maybe not that bad..(no way like the video you posted of adele's song). He leaves me alone, I leave him alone..only thing I just do what it takes like keep house clean etc. Not ideal, but no situation is ideal. I have been to the other side..and it has its demons as well. Some of us just can't do it..I just hope it doesnt come to any worse ..that's why I am still hesitant at times to throw in the towel. But it is what it is..if i havent done anything for 6 months..i cant do it.

[freeatlast2008]

I do understand what you are saying Winter.. Its like make some decision to stay or go and stop waffling.. When You waffle it makes things worse and it makes one more sick..Torments of trying to make a decision is worse than not making any decision. I live with family and I am always looking for a way out so I keep waffling about it.. So I either have to accept it or move or keep quiet about it... My bp is high and now taking meds for stress but this is the price I have paid for sticking around family too long..I only have me to blame..

So now when you make your decision you will of course have to take full responsibility for what happens.. You will have to be accountable to yourself. DD and your husband.. that could jeopardize your DD, husband and your health but this is the choice you are making and you will have to accept the choice and know that your choices either good or bad will affect what happens in the future to all of your family... Actions equals consequences as you know..

Godspeed

[winter2007]

yes, that is what my therapist says - MAKE a decision and stick with it, if at this point, you are not ready, it is what it is. She did say IF things escalate in future to the point of no return, take OFF immediately and this time get a hotel room or whatever. I still don't know what to do but I think I am at the point where I feel I waited this long and I need to see it through high school. As the issues i have now will not really go away..and it will take 1-2 years easy for it to settle. I really think I waited too long.