[mmagkjscott]

This is gonna be kinda long but I dont know what to do and need advice.

My husband and I have been married for 10 yrs and have 4 children. He has always made friends very easily...male and female. Im will admit I tend to be jeleous when he meets a new female friend but he is military so they are usually females he works with and I have met them and have become my friends as well.Untill now.  He is national guard so he goes away for drill weekends.....leaving Sat morn and not coming home till Sun night cause we live 2 hours from base. About 9 months ago during his drill weekend he texted saying him and some guys were going out to eat. I checked our checking account the next day and it didnt show he had used the card so I asked him how much he spent (I take care of all finances so I keep track). he tells me a friend paid. Aww how nice right...well when he gets home he tells me some 18 yr old paid for it ( she came down with one of his buddies and his gf). Guess she had a crush on him.No big deal whatever. Next morning he asked me to text someone for him and I saw her name in his contacts. Asked him why he had it and he said he got it because he called them to tell them where to meet for dinner( yes I am naive and believed him). A few weeks later I pay our cell phone billand just for giggles see if he has contacted her.They had beeen texting almost everday. Ask him about it and he says they both love baseball so they were talking about the games. Again Iletitgo against my better judgement. I finally decided to check his facebook and found nothing except him realizing someone logged onto his account.oops.so checked hhis email one day just to see if my gut was off cause I had this feeling something wasnt right.Found emails she had sent him but couldnt find the ones he sent her. She was talking about liking the line they already had but crossing it would be fun.Texted him at work and told him I was done.He came straight home so wecould talk and said he sent her an email to get her to say that  cause he knew I was snooping.He didnt like me checking on him and that I dont have faith in us that have be jelousof her. So Ionce again dropped it but not before telling him I didn tlike them texting so much.Well I didnt check for awhile and just let it go...maybe it was inocent chat about sports. So After beseball endedI checked just to seeand it has not stopped.Much worse then it was...some nights texting till early morning while Im sleeping. yet I hold it in for fear of last time cause he said he cant trust me cause I snooped. Fast forward to a few weeks ago. Found out from online that he called her when he was at drill. And he called her last night. Been texting alot more too.Im just so sick over this.He has never hid a female friend before. How can he think this is ok?? Well I know why..Iet him. I am so afraid to talk tohim about this for fear of what he will say instead of teelling him how I feel about it. Is it normal for a married guy to behave this way. After rereading this I know I am stupid for letting this go on but Im a SAHM and Im afraid to be on myown. By the way he is 32....what does a 18yr old and 32 yrold really have in common....wait Iknow that answer to. I just need to know that Im not over reacting to this.

[mmagkjscott]

This is gonna be kinda long but I dont know what to do and need advice.

My husband and I have been married for 10 yrs and have 4 children. He has always made friends very easily...male and female. Im will admit I tend to be jeleous when he meets a new female friend but he is military so they are usually females he works with and I have met them and have become my friends as well.Untill now.  He is national guard so he goes away for drill weekends.....leaving Sat morn and not coming home till Sun night cause we live 2 hours from base. About 9 months ago during his drill weekend he texted saying him and some guys were going out to eat. I checked our checking account the next day and it didnt show he had used the card so I asked him how much he spent (I take care of all finances so I keep track). he tells me a friend paid. Aww how nice right...well when he gets home he tells me some 18 yr old paid for it ( she came down with one of his buddies and his gf). Guess she had a crush on him.No big deal whatever. Next morning he asked me to text someone for him and I saw her name in his contacts. Asked him why he had it and he said he got it because he called them to tell them where to meet for dinner( yes I am naive and believed him). A few weeks later I pay our cell phone billand just for giggles see if he has contacted her.They had beeen texting almost everday. Ask him about it and he says they both love baseball so they were talking about the games. Again Iletitgo against my better judgement. I finally decided to check his facebook and found nothing except him realizing someone logged onto his account.oops.so checked hhis email one day just to see if my gut was off cause I had this feeling something wasnt right.Found emails she had sent him but couldnt find the ones he sent her. She was talking about liking the line they already had but crossing it would be fun.Texted him at work and told him I was done.He came straight home so wecould talk and said he sent her an email to get her to say that  cause he knew I was snooping.He didnt like me checking on him and that I dont have faith in us that have be jelousof her. So Ionce again dropped it but not before telling him I didn tlike them texting so much.Well I didnt check for awhile and just let it go...maybe it was inocent chat about sports. So After beseball endedI checked just to seeand it has not stopped.Much worse then it was...some nights texting till early morning while Im sleeping. yet I hold it in for fear of last time cause he said he cant trust me cause I snooped. Fast forward to a few weeks ago. Found out from online that he called her when he was at drill. And he called her last night. Been texting alot more too.Im just so sick over this.He has never hid a female friend before. How can he think this is ok?? Well I know why..Iet him. I am so afraid to talk tohim about this for fear of what he will say instead of teelling him how I feel about it. Is it normal for a married guy to behave this way. After rereading this I know I am stupid for letting this go on but Im a SAHM and Im afraid to be on myown. By the way he is 32....what does a 18yr old and 32 yrold really have in common....wait Iknow that answer to. I just need to know that Im not over reacting to this.

[mmagkjscott]

This is gonna be kinda long but I dont know what to do and need advice.

My husband and I have been married for 10 yrs and have 4 children. He has always made friends very easily...male and female. Im will admit I tend to be jeleous when he meets a new female friend but he is military so they are usually females he works with and I have met them and have become my friends as well.Untill now.  He is national guard so he goes away for drill weekends.....leaving Sat morn and not coming home till Sun night cause we live 2 hours from base. About 9 months ago during his drill weekend he texted saying him and some guys were going out to eat. I checked our checking account the next day and it didnt show he had used the card so I asked him how much he spent (I take care of all finances so I keep track). he tells me a friend paid. Aww how nice right...well when he gets home he tells me some 18 yr old paid for it ( she came down with one of his buddies and his gf). Guess she had a crush on him.No big deal whatever. Next morning he asked me to text someone for him and I saw her name in his contacts. Asked him why he had it and he said he got it because he called them to tell them where to meet for dinner( yes I am naive and believed him). A few weeks later I pay our cell phone billand just for giggles see if he has contacted her.They had beeen texting almost everday. Ask him about it and he says they both love baseball so they were talking about the games. Again Iletitgo against my better judgement. I finally decided to check his facebook and found nothing except him realizing someone logged onto his account.oops.so checked hhis email one day just to see if my gut was off cause I had this feeling something wasnt right.Found emails she had sent him but couldnt find the ones he sent her. She was talking about liking the line they already had but crossing it would be fun.Texted him at work and told him I was done.He came straight home so wecould talk and said he sent her an email to get her to say that  cause he knew I was snooping.He didnt like me checking on him and that I dont have faith in us that have be jelousof her. So Ionce again dropped it but not before telling him I didn tlike them texting so much.Well I didnt check for awhile and just let it go...maybe it was inocent chat about sports. So After beseball endedI checked just to seeand it has not stopped.Much worse then it was...some nights texting till early morning while Im sleeping. yet I hold it in for fear of last time cause he said he cant trust me cause I snooped. Fast forward to a few weeks ago. Found out from online that he called her when he was at drill. And he called her last night. Been texting alot more too.Im just so sick over this.He has never hid a female friend before. How can he think this is ok?? Well I know why..Iet him. I am so afraid to talk tohim about this for fear of what he will say instead of teelling him how I feel about it. Is it normal for a married guy to behave this way. After rereading this I know I am stupid for letting this go on but Im a SAHM and Im afraid to be on myown. By the way he is 32....what does a 18yr old and 32 yrold really have in common....wait Iknow that answer to. I just need to know that Im not over reacting to this.

[mmagkjscott]

This is gonna be kinda long but I dont know what to do and need advice.

My husband and I have been married for 10 yrs and have 4 children. He has always made friends very easily...male and female. Im will admit I tend to be jeleous when he meets a new female friend but he is military so they are usually females he works with and I have met them and have become my friends as well.Untill now.  He is national guard so he goes away for drill weekends.....leaving Sat morn and not coming home till Sun night cause we live 2 hours from base. About 9 months ago during his drill weekend he texted saying him and some guys were going out to eat. I checked our checking account the next day and it didnt show he had used the card so I asked him how much he spent (I take care of all finances so I keep track). he tells me a friend paid. Aww how nice right...well when he gets home he tells me some 18 yr old paid for it ( she came down with one of his buddies and his gf). Guess she had a crush on him.No big deal whatever. Next morning he asked me to text someone for him and I saw her name in his contacts. Asked him why he had it and he said he got it because he called them to tell them where to meet for dinner( yes I am naive and believed him). A few weeks later I pay our cell phone billand just for giggles see if he has contacted her.They had beeen texting almost everday. Ask him about it and he says they both love baseball so they were talking about the games. Again Iletitgo against my better judgement. I finally decided to check his facebook and found nothing except him realizing someone logged onto his account.oops.so checked hhis email one day just to see if my gut was off cause I had this feeling something wasnt right.Found emails she had sent him but couldnt find the ones he sent her. She was talking about liking the line they already had but crossing it would be fun.Texted him at work and told him I was done.He came straight home so wecould talk and said he sent her an email to get her to say that  cause he knew I was snooping.He didnt like me checking on him and that I dont have faith in us that have be jelousof her. So Ionce again dropped it but not before telling him I didn tlike them texting so much.Well I didnt check for awhile and just let it go...maybe it was inocent chat about sports. So After beseball endedI checked just to seeand it has not stopped.Much worse then it was...some nights texting till early morning while Im sleeping. yet I hold it in for fear of last time cause he said he cant trust me cause I snooped. Fast forward to a few weeks ago. Found out from online that he called her when he was at drill. And he called her last night. Been texting alot more too.Im just so sick over this.He has never hid a female friend before. How can he think this is ok?? Well I know why..Iet him. I am so afraid to talk tohim about this for fear of what he will say instead of teelling him how I feel about it. Is it normal for a married guy to behave this way. After rereading this I know I am stupid for letting this go on but Im a SAHM and Im afraid to be on myown. By the way he is 32....what does a 18yr old and 32 yrold really have in common....wait Iknow that answer to. I just need to know that Im not over reacting to this.

[sunnysideupinrome]

It is ok for a man to have a female friend even when married with children. But the fact they are constantly in touch, I would be sooo angry and the fact that she is only 18 makes it even worse. I am sorry  but I would not trust him and no matter how scared you are to talk to him, you just have to because this is your life and life of your children. I would ask him to stop talking to her and if he does not I would leave him. It is disrespectful towards you and your children to act this way.

[cmtasha]

Hi mm,

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time with this!  I would be, too.  If he is hiding their correspondence then he KNOWS it's not OK!  And, if this woman has a crush on him and he knows it, then regular texting is definitely not appropriate.

I think you do need to confront him, otherwise he may cross the line even farther.  Maybe you could write down how you're feeling first and then sleep on it?  Getting it all out on paper might help you organize your thoughts and prepare for the possible argument that will come from confronting him.

Big ((HUGS)) to you.  I hope you will keep us updated!

[undercovercrab]

It doesn't matter what her age is. It also doesn't even really matter that he makes friends easily or that you get jealous. What matters is, he has been having a really inappropriate relationship with her built on dishonesty to you and secrecy, deception, and covering his tracks. If their chats were innocent he would not be deleting his end of the conversation.

I am glad you're asking "why" but these questions should be asked with a marriage counselor in the room. You are not overreacting, he is emotionally cheating. What you need to ask yourself now is, a) do I want to stay in this marriage? b) what would it take to fix it?

If he continues talking to this girl they will eventually have sex if they haven't already. It's already an affair. If you can't get him to stop pursuing this other woman (not just hiding it) and focus on making your marriage stronger, then I'm afraid you will only be cheated on and duped by him in the future.

[michelle_1978]

I think he's being very disrespectful.  Not to mention he's trying to make you feel guilty for trying to find out the truth?  But the important thing here is are you confirm if it is what you suspect?  And only you can answer that.  Maybe right now you're not ready.  But one day if he continues you WILL get fed up and not care what the outcome is you will want to stand up for yourself.  You will find the strength you need to confront him.