[winter2007]

So last week and half, I had to go emergency out of town..the lawyer extended the date. But would you believe, I still have not served him? As I was out for 2 weeks, I said to hold off. And then today..I am again having 2nd thoughts. I really dont know what is going on with me. While I am not expecting him to change, I am maybe afraid of DD's reaction ..I honestly dont know what is wrong with me. It is a big mess. I know I can no longer afford to live on my own without support payments and that should be enough incentive. Maybe part of me just want to get back to the house and let things be. I know and I understand that it will only be temporary before some major blow up and all the hard work I have put in will be ruined.

I know all that..but still writing to ask what is it I can do to maintain focus, face the fear and do it anyway. I know I have asked this before. But I am writing again..I feel I have nobody else to talk to. Thanks.

[winter2007]

So last week and half, I had to go emergency out of town..the lawyer extended the date. But would you believe, I still have not served him? As I was out for 2 weeks, I said to hold off. And then today..I am again having 2nd thoughts. I really dont know what is going on with me. While I am not expecting him to change, I am maybe afraid of DD's reaction ..I honestly dont know what is wrong with me. It is a big mess. I know I can no longer afford to live on my own without support payments and that should be enough incentive. Maybe part of me just want to get back to the house and let things be. I know and I understand that it will only be temporary before some major blow up and all the hard work I have put in will be ruined.

I know all that..but still writing to ask what is it I can do to maintain focus, face the fear and do it anyway. I know I have asked this before. But I am writing again..I feel I have nobody else to talk to. Thanks.

[cajunharmony]

Winter, before you can have any resolution to all these "what if's", you have to DO something. Once you take that step and serve him, you will get "unstuck" and start to move forward. Right now, hon, you're stuck in neutral and going nowhere. In order to move forward you're going to have to get "unstuck", and get him served. There's no way you can anticipate what will happen or plan for it in advance. You just have to make up your mind to serve him and then deal with what comes after. Right now, there is no focus, it's just status quo. So, as a result, the same old, same old tapes are playing in your head. Get him served and replace those old tapes with new ones. If you don't take that first step there will be no progress of any kind. My best to you.

ETA:  It's all about your choice and what YOU choose to do.  Change is not easy but sometimes we have to take that leap of faith, inhale a deeeep breath and just......go.  I wish you peace in your answers.

[queen.brat]

My thoughts are to stop trying to figure out why you won't do it and just do it!! In the end it doesn't matter what you took you so long. All that really matters is you did it. Quit worrying about what DD will do. What DD will do is throw a fit to try to get you to stop changing her world. She does that every time a change happens but then she gets over it. Stop caving into her fits and do what needs to be done!! I know easier said then done but again your teaching DD it is acceptable to throw a fit to get your way and we both know its not.

I think its fear of the unknown holding you back but what about the fear of living this way for even six more months? I bet if you go back life will be even worse at home then it was because you will not only be punished for leaving but he will gloat that you couldn't make it on your own!! Do you want to live like that?

((hugs)) and good luck!!

[winter2007]

Still nothing..atty is out for a week..and he is coming back next monday..
to be honest, I am just too tired, too worn out..I think I have a problem letting go of my being a mom full time. I think he will get 50% at least. sometimes I think rationally, yes, ultimately she may come IF the house gets sold or something. Then I think it will be so much hard to go through with it and i should just let it be for 2 more years. Then I think I know it will get worse ..but I suddenly am in a frozen mood..where I dont know or dont want to do anything..I just hope I get it back..i mean get my resolve back. thanks

[cajunharmony]

Winter, you keep using the word "hard". Don't you realize how "HARD" it is to keep living the life you are living now? Compared to the life you have now, serving him and going through with it will be a walk in the park. Once you get that done, and things start moving to get all that mess resolved, things are probably going to get "easier" in the relative scheme of things.