[cowboys_grl]

I know this isn't the "In Law" section....but I post mostly here, so most everyone knows me here & I get good advice! 

Okay here's our problem:

DF & I are getting married in CA (most of our family & friends live there), we thought it would be easier if we just fly out there from Texas, so most everyone can be there.  The problem is gifts for the wedding.

DF & I are older & are on our second marriage...so we have EVERYTHING (kitchen accessories, home furnishings, china) & didn't want to register, because we have everything.....ALSO since we live in Texas, if people bring gifts to the wedding, there is ZERO way to get them home to Texas, they will need to stay in CA. 

I came up with the idea of putting a little insert card, to explain the situation, since we live in Texas & we have most home furnishings, that gift cards, would be greatly appreciated, instead of bringing gifts to the wedding.

Well, MIL, didn't like that idea, because her friends informed her "it's tacky", so she didn't include them in the invites.  Okay, so told DF to inform her that people NEED to know, not to bring gifts to the wedding, either mail them to Texas or just bring a gift card to the wedding, so we can take it home.  And I am going to write up a polite, informative note about gifts and mail it out to everyone....she told DF, if I feel I must do that, just to send it to my family & friends & DF's friends, not to mail it to "their side" of the family, she will just inform them herself.

Am I being "tacky" to send these notes to friends & family? Wouldn't people want to know we can't bring gifts home with us, since we live in Texas? 

[cowboys_grl]

I know this isn't the "In Law" section....but I post mostly here, so most everyone knows me here & I get good advice! 

Okay here's our problem:

DF & I are getting married in CA (most of our family & friends live there), we thought it would be easier if we just fly out there from Texas, so most everyone can be there.  The problem is gifts for the wedding.

DF & I are older & are on our second marriage...so we have EVERYTHING (kitchen accessories, home furnishings, china) & didn't want to register, because we have everything.....ALSO since we live in Texas, if people bring gifts to the wedding, there is ZERO way to get them home to Texas, they will need to stay in CA. 

I came up with the idea of putting a little insert card, to explain the situation, since we live in Texas & we have most home furnishings, that gift cards, would be greatly appreciated, instead of bringing gifts to the wedding.

Well, MIL, didn't like that idea, because her friends informed her "it's tacky", so she didn't include them in the invites.  Okay, so told DF to inform her that people NEED to know, not to bring gifts to the wedding, either mail them to Texas or just bring a gift card to the wedding, so we can take it home.  And I am going to write up a polite, informative note about gifts and mail it out to everyone....she told DF, if I feel I must do that, just to send it to my family & friends & DF's friends, not to mail it to "their side" of the family, she will just inform them herself.

Am I being "tacky" to send these notes to friends & family? Wouldn't people want to know we can't bring gifts home with us, since we live in Texas? 

[cowboys_grl]

I just think, she will overlook mentioning about the gift situation to "their family" & since she invited 60 people & we only invited 40, there will be 50 gifts, that have to stay, at their house....but, 'whatever'! If that's the case, she can figure out how to get the gifts to us or....if the gift is a blender & we already have 2 blenders, she can return it.....

[swimercise]

IMHO....it's tacky. If I chose to marry in another state I would request no gifts or donations be made to a charity of my choice. You can't tell people what and how to gift you. Do you really need the gift cards?? Your MIL is right.

San

[cowboys_grl]

the only reason we chose to marry in CA, so most of our family & friends could be there..... we were just 'trying' to make it easy on everyone else.....so don't send out the notes & just let people bring gifts to CA, so they can stay there?

Okay.....I can do that. 

[ukgirl82]

There's no need for formal explanation or request, most people will be smart enough to realize there's no logical way to take a bunch of gifts back with you to Texas and therefore just give money instead. These days, typically if you don't register somewhere, guests don't buy gifts since they won't know what to get you.

This happened with my husband and I - we got married in the US but we live in the UK (I'm American, he's English). I have a bigger family than he does so we decided it made more sense to have the wedding in the US since it would mean less people would have to travel for the wedding. But since we were going back to the UK after the wedding, there was no way we could bring gifts back with us. We simply didn't register anywhere and didn't mention anything in the invites - I think a few people asked my mom about it so she just explained over the phone the situation so maybe it got around by word of mouth so if that's what your MIL would rather do, let her!

So I know from experience that there is really no need to broadcast "give us money/gift cards instead of gifts" - and yes, to be honest, it does come across as kind of tacky.