8 months ago My husband brought his mom to come live with us.
I work very hard to support my husband and sometimes, I even bring in more more than he does, since I am a business woman. So I was really sadedned that a descision like this will be taken without my consent. I took time to review the whole process of her coming and the way my husband went about it and I confronted him to know why he will take such a decsion of bringing his mom without us talking about it. But just like I expected, my husband did apologise for that and said he didnt think of it because he knows that I am very fond of his mom, as I always shower her with gifts and I gist with her a lot. I accepted his explanation and decided, I was going to support his decision.
Now my MIL is just not helping matter at all. I ran a very structured home until my MIL's arrival. When we are having our family meals, I usually sit on the left hand side of my husband, while my first son sits on the chair to his right and the rest of the kids sits accordingly but my mIL came in and decided to sit only on my sit. I hoped silently that my husband will notice that I no longer eat on the dinning because I have been displaced but he didnt. I let it go. On one occassion, I was seated with my husband and she came out to eat, while I was already eating, I told my cook to serve her on the other seat but MIL refused to sit any where else other than beside her son. she stood there until the son my husband said to me, "honey please mummy wants to sit there, I am sorry to displace you". I stood up and went into my room so that peace can reign.
But this is not the issue, the one that is almost killing me, is her stubborness, she is incontinent and messes up everywhere. Sometimes, we would just finish changing her bed sheet and cleaning up her room, she just does another one. We brought in a maid for her but 2 of them have resigned in less than less than 7 months, we have just recruited a 3rd care giver to her and I am worried about this because each time the care giver leaves, I am made to stay back and help, My business is suffering, yet my husbad wakes up every morning and goes to work. I am a mom of 4 boys all under the age of 8. Taking care of my children has not been easy but adding a giaratric case is killing me. The worst is that Mil does not help matters, everything is done for her, yet she bad mouths everyone around her and just doesnt show d desired appreciation.
But in all of this I have kept my cool while ignoring things that do not matter. Last week, I was down with severe back and waist pain. I woke up to see my husband bathing his mother. I felt him seeing his mothers nakedness was just not very tidy and in my mind I said, what mother will allow a forty something year old son of hers to see her nakedness. My son also told me that this isn't the first time daddy is bathing MIL. Right now, I have been going through a moment, I do not feel strong attraction to my husband, I see him like a lady, he comes accross to me differently now, in fact, I have not been able to sleep with him going to 3 months now since I saw him bathing his mother. Himself is always fustrated by the so many demands from his mom. Many times I thought of disappearing from that house but the thought of my chldren and how to go about the whole move is still keeping me here.
Personally, I still love my husband, I love his mom but cannot understand her stubbornness, pretence and lies. I really wish she can be a bit more considerate to people giving her care. She is a nice person but I do not know what is going on with her or is it that I didnt really know her true nature. I need help, I need help, I need help. The only help i have so far is the courage, God has giving me to laugh in the face of all these. My MIL has daughter but none of them is willing to take her in to their homes. One of my SIL told me the day my MIL came to my home that, her mom is a very difficult person, that she hopes I can cope with her. My husband is now a shadow of his true self. Even our finances are dwindling seiously, and the demands are just too much on us. Please what do you advice. This is an over 11 years marriage, and in this 11 years, my husband and I have never had any cause to invite a third party to our business but now, I dont really know what to do. I have spoken to her severally, she misreads everything you say to her, her son has spoken consistently to her but she built her trence and she is living in it.
